MAN LAWS
One of my friends on Myspace, Sylvain St. Amour, posted this earlier today. I got such a huge kick out of it I decided to repost it here. Please enjoy it in the spirit it is intended.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2.
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3.
and eaten by his buddies.
4.
of jail within 12 hours.
5.
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6.
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7.
man.
8.
weakest.
9.
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10.
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11.
sunning on a tropical beach … And it’s delivered by a topless model
and only when it’s free.
12.
kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16.
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.
17.
remain sober enough to fight.
18.
pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19.
about his choice of beer.
20.
except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21.
weights:
A) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
B) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
C) Another set and we can hit the sh owers!
22.
(I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
23.
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24.
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car.
her to drive yours.
26.
orange or sky blue.
27.
Christmas? ‘ with ‘If you loved me, you’d know what I want!’
gets an Xbox. End of story.
28.
Gymnastics. Ever.
29. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls.
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:
‘GUTS’ is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, And having the guts to say, ‘are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?’
‘BALLS’ is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say, ‘You’re next!’
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manlaw, Ltd.